This is Stupid Krap! - The Hairpoon
Onlookers may stare at your oversize wig, but once the Hairpoon is activated, everyone will want one!
Flick the switch in your lapel and your mega-quiff will part like the red sea, revealing a cannon-like device with a silver grappling hook poking magnificently in the direction of up. Flick the switch once more and it will fire the grapple, attaching itself (if well aimed) around the bough of a tree, office fixture, streetlight, verandah/patio etc.
All of this must be done with the greatest of haste for in this day and age first impressions are of most importance. Once you are satisfied your Hairpoon is secure, pull a cleverly disguised lever and a motorised winch will pull you quickly into the air with a comical 'zing!' sound - ending with a single bell ring when you reach the top.
All of the components are carefully hidden beneath your leisure suit in a backpack and safety harness that supports and comforts your neck and oversized wig.
This may be of assistance in uncomfortable situations when a hasty exit is required, or you just wish to vent your frustration.
Be careful not to operate if you are walking your dog - unless of course it also has a Hairpoon attachment.